Ya Ya You Is Welcome

Friday, November 26, 2004

i'm so sick of being single...

Turkey Day, Tequila, and Blunts...

My visit back home has been a great deal of fun. Wednesday I, along with my old classmates, visited Garden School. I like going alone and having a good 15-30 minutes with each teacher, just to catch up. We were in garden for about 4 hours until about 5 o'clock. Then Rob, Monika, Yomna, Sarah and I all went out to dinner. It was a bit tense at first. Rob knew that they knew of everything that happened over the summer. They sorta knew that he knew that they knew, but it was still a bit awkward. At one point during the dinner we were talking about how all the girls in our class ahd crushes on teachers. he knew all of their crushes casue I had told him. So he's sitting there pretending like he had them all figured out. Then he looked at me and said, "Who did you have a crush on Ani?" Everyone laughed and it broke the tension and from then on it was pretty smooth sailing. I really want to see him again. We said we'd see each other before I left. I hope we really do get to see each other. After that, a much needed visit was made to 418 9th st where I found Danny Lucy and orgasmic pumpkin muffins. Matt came by too. What a weird experience that was. He hasn't changed one bit. Good thing? Bad thing? Who knows.

Yesterday was the Day of Thanks. Quite the interesting day. Aida had done all the cooking by herself. The first thanksgiving of the couple. It was a lot of fun, Everyone drinking, we all took a shot of tequila. I was nice and drunk. So we stayed there Till about 9. I hung around a ltitle while longer at Aida's. Hung out with all of her friends and then Charlie came and picked me up and we smoked a nice blutn in his back yard. We pigged out some more and then he dropped me off at home. For the most part my stay here has been a blast. I'm having a great time and couldn't really ask for more.

I'm getting along great with my mom. Things are really smooth really easy going. Being that far away from her really helps love and appreciate her more. Alice is still driving me nuts. She was so rude this morning waking up. She was so rude and bitchy to my mom. Like she's just ridiculous. She needs to grow the fuck up!

ANYWAY... yea so there's not much else to say.

Tuesday, November 23, 2004

It didn't even take two days

it didn't even take two days and I'm already back home. Tonight was a fun evening. I went out with Sarah Mike and Monika. Wow back to 9th grade. it's crazy how close all 4 of us were. We still are pretty close. We went and shot some pool. Sarah kicked my bootay. TWICE! It feels good to be back home, but I must say that a big part of me is still back at Purchase. As much as I down it, a big part of me has already gotten attached to the school, the people, the classes, the feel of just being in college.

What's great about coming home, other than rekindling my friendships with long lost friends, is NO CURFEW! I went out till one without a single phone call as to when I'd be coming home. Not even an INQUIRY of where I was! It's great.

In a way though I almost do feel like, out of sorts, out of place... just out. I'm not completely comfortable yet. We each have these lives that we don't have a full idea of yet. It's just wierd.

I feel like I'm clinging onto the idea of Rob and I working out when it probably won't. I feel like I am building all these expectations up in my head... it could be his lack of feedback, or him not telling me how beautiful he thinks I am, or the plethora of compliments that don't quite flow out of his mouth as easily. Who knows? I shouldn't complain though, things are great and I'm excited about being back home.

Well douches! I will talk to yous laters!

Saturday, November 20, 2004

So I'm home right now. It's really awkward being here. For some reason I feel older than my sister. I feel like I guess I've changed. I dunno I feel like a different person right now. I can't really explain it. Home doesn't feel like home. I wonder if there has been a real change from the person I was two months ago, to the person I am now. I think I'm more or less the same except I have this independence that I couldn't even fathom before. I know I'm trying my best at life.

It is wierd being back. Things on my end at least seem to go a lot smoother. At least with my parents. Alice on the other hand is an entire other issue. I am quite quickly becoming disgusted with her. She's rude in every answer she gives to anyone in the house. There is this attitude that goes and in hand with everything that comes out of her mouth. It makes me want to smack her. I can't be around her for too long. It will drive me mad.

Last night was a shit load of fun. Heinekens, Bud, Raquetball, Aida and some fun fun fun in the woods woods woods. Rachel (my roomate) and Aida got along real well. I knew she would. Rachel is really such a mature person. It's great, I love her a lot. We get along real well. Julia too, and Sam. I just keep reflecting. I have a hard time stopping myself from seeing each moment as the meaningful, good time that it is.

So I think I've put my finger on what life feels like to me now. There is this certian feeling I get when hanging out with Danny and Lucy. Life feels so good, but like a dream. Like a bunch of happy dreams that make up life. Or like a trip. When you take a logn trip just the way things feel when you travel or soemthing. Or maybe it's more of this "Almost Famous" sort of feeling. I dunno if I am depicting the feeling too well... but often times when hanigng out with Danny and his college friends I felt like he was this cool hip part of my life, he still is but now my entire life feels that way. It just has this dreamy sort of effect. Maybe the word for it is eudaimonia.

Ok I'm gonna stop rambling. Later dudes

Thursday, November 18, 2004

A day submerged...

A day submerged in class presentations, canceled classes, and RAQUETBALL!

The day is young and the sun is setting, Couldn't ask for more...

Wednesday, November 17, 2004

The past few days have been quite beautiful. During the weekend it was frigid, burning cold. There was a 15 degree drop last week. However, I think the nice weather has a direct affect on our moods. Despite the fact that one of my really good friends is not the person i thought she was, with all the darkness she shed on the past few days, we've had enjoyable good times. Quite frankly its easier to get through the day without her.

I have an affinity for soccer. I enjoy it very much. I think it's a great game; Filled with so much tension, it's quite exhilirating to watch. Today I watched a game between Arsenal and Tuttenham. The score was 5-4, Arsenal; one of the highest scoring, intense games I've watched, quite possibly ever. But Collin down the hall is truely a great guy. He's someone you'd probably expect to be a real cocky jerk, but he's actually got quite a warm heart. I'm Happy that Kaitlyn is able to see this.

I love the people here. I hope I know them for a while.

I'm pretty excited to go back home and visit. I was talking to Sarah on the phone last night for the first time in a long time, and we were so excited to see each other. I'm going to get my father to pick her up from Iona and we're gonna drive back together Teusday night. I'M SO PSYKED. I'm also really psyked to see Rob. I hope I'll get to spend some substantial amount of time with him. I need to go back to my world for a little while. I'm gonna try not to smoke for those 4 days. I need to know what it feels like to rid my lungs of toxins for at least 4 days. I feel like after that it'll be easier for me not to quit. I'll be around my mother and I'll be happy not to smoke.

I feel happy again. I miss things but i'm getting better at just focusing on me, doing my thing and not letting them drown my mood.

Ok so time to stop reflecting.

First Blogger Blog.

Wednesday's are my relaxing days. My stomach hurts. I haven't eaten anything. All I've done so far today is clean my room and do a french lab. I'm really confused as to waht i think about this school. I mean Purchase is great and my daily life is great. I ahve great friends and I'm having fun here. A part of me wishes I was in the city, at NYU. I mean the environment here is so... suffocating. I don't feel like I'm part of the real world. I feel like I am at camp and I really don't like that about it. I mean it's got it's ups and downs but when you need to escape it's virtually impossible. Honestly I know it's kinda ridiculous, but this computer is probably my salvation. Yesterday my roomate Rachel was telling me how funny she thought it was that she saw such a deep-rooted close relationship with me and my computer. She goes "You're really in love with your computer aren't you?" and in a way this is like the only way I gain access to the outside world.

It's not like I'm not having a good time though. I do enjoy the place. And I do miss it when I'm not here. but when i want to escape i want to go further than the quad. I want to go outside and be in the world, not on campus.

Ok Julia just came by my window. So I'm gonna go. LATER