Ya Ya You Is Welcome

Thursday, August 11, 2005

::listening to PJ Harvey "Is That All There Is?"::

Hello folks so lets see, whats been going on. I think my attitude has lately shifted into a period of happiness and comfort. The happiness and comfort i've been trying hard to find. I feel extraordinarily great these past few weeks. I mean i've been complaining a lot about all this mumbo jumbo boyfriend crap. Although i want it i feel like when it boils down it i love myself i love my life and i love the people in it. I love who i am a lot. And I have these quietstions that run through my head of questions people ask me when i tell them about it. One common question is "What about having a relationship is gonna make you happy, why is THAT going to make you happy?" i don't know what the answer to that question is.

Last night Rob said I was an idealist and that's one of the things he likes about me. And really I'm such a fucking idealist and I love that about me too. i dunno. I find myself wanting to kick myself in the ass whenever i get sad about shit just because i have so much, maybe too much to be happy about. i dunno i guess it's just certain topics that tiff me up and make me upset. and i realized it's not just the loneliness issue either. This relieves me to no end, becuase there are more things than trivial labels on relationships that irk me, that make me feel something whether it be happiness or sadness. Just like how it would be pathetic if it were the other way around. lets say i had a boyfriend but he was the only thing making me happy. that would make me unhappy that my life is so centered around that person rather than my maitaining my identity. So i get equally sad when that's the only thing i get upset over cuase that's just so... patheitc.

Things i have to be happy about range from a great amaizng huge family who i know will always be there for me taking care of me. I have a great group of friends who i think really understand me and care for me as well. To a further understanding of myself and a love for my mind my train of thought, my music, my books, my lotion, my clothes, my personality, my nonstop demanding of life, demanding of what i get out of it, my desire to live and experience everything, my wanting to take everything in always, and my unwillingness to settle for mediocre and average. These are all reasons why I'm not gonna meet someone right away, instantaneously I feel like i want life to be as if i were a 3 year old on Acid.

Speaking of which I'm reading the Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test which has me laughing my ass off on the subway as i read a bout these hippies "zonked" on acid.

I went to Woodstock this weekend, Went camping, hung out with the Woodstock crew. I love those guys so much.

Summer is over in like 2 weeks and it's back to fun fun Purchase and fun fun classes. Major dillema, how do i decorate my room and suite!?!?!?! post if you have any suggestions!


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